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Thyden Gross and Callahan LLPCounselors and Attorneys at Law

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Maryland Divorce Legal Crier

News and comments about divorce, child support, child custody, alimony, equitable property distribution, father’s rights, mother’s rights, family law, laws on divorce and other legal information in Maryland.

The Best of Times, the Worst of Times

December 12th, 2014

My oldest son entered high school this year.  He said he likes it.  He is very confident, outgoing and popular.  He takes after his mother.

I told him I didn’t like high school very much.  I was shy, introverted and not a member of “the in crowd”.  I was a geek, a nerd, a brainiac.   I wore thick, horn-rimmed glasses.

I mentioned this conversation to an old friend that I’ve known since high school.  He said, “Really?  But you had it pretty good in high school.”

That set me to thinking.  I was the star of two school plays. I dated the valedictorian of the class ahead of me.  I won an award for poetry and an award for math and science.  I worked as a disc jockey at the local radio station.

He was right.  I had a pretty good time in high school.  I just never knew it.

If you are going through the worst of times due to a divorce or separation, remember, “To change your world, just change your mind.”  You may find yourself going from the worst of times to the best of times.

Related posts:

  1. Woman Marries 23 Times
  2. Fuzzy Logic
  3. Radio Station Gives Away Free Divorce for Valentine’s Day
  4. What’s Love Got to Do With It?
  5. Math Model Predicts Divorce

The Person Who Leaves First, Loses

December 11th, 2014

I have a lawyer friend who likes to argue.  He has picked a good profession for it.  More than a few times, he has had an opposing counsel hang up on him in irritation and frustration.

He doesn’t care.  Under his rules of argument, “The person who hangs up first, loses.”

It occurs to me that this rule may be applied to marriage and relationships as well.  So if you are the one that’s been abandoned or deserted, don’t despair.  The person who left was too irritated or frustrated to hang in there and argue.  The only card left in their hand to play was the leaving card.   They hung up on you.

Just rearrange your thinking to, “The person who leaves first, loses.”

Related posts:

  1. Is Divorce Always the Fault of One Person?
  2. The Deceiver and the Denier
  3. Credit Card Companies Can Predict Divorce
  4. Will I Lose the Marital Home if I Leave?
  5. A Doll’s House

A Perfect Storm

December 4th, 2014

There is a perfect winter storm of depression brewing.  Got the blues?  You are not alone.  There are good reasons you may be feeling sad right now.

Holiday Depression

You may get depressed at this time of year because it reminds you of bad experiences of past holidays.  Or you may get depressed because you have had better holidays in the past.   Or you just may be comparing this holiday to an imagined holiday like the ones in the Norman Rockwell paintings or the happy holidays you think your friends are enjoying.

Seasonal Affective Disorder

At this time of year I’m driving to the office in the dark and driving home from work in the dark.  The days are shorter.  There is less sunlight.  We feel good when we are in the sun.  We feel bad when there is a lack of sunlight.

Divorce Depression

It is usual for people separating and divorcing to feel depressed.  The future is uncertain and scary.  Finances are usually a mess. You may be heartbroken.

So, what can you do, if all three events are hitting you at the same time?  Ride out the storm.  It will take time.  You will have grief.  And pain.  But eventually, the storm will be over, and your new life will make all this seem like a distant memory.

Related posts:

  1. Divorce Is Crazy Time
  2. January Top Month for Divorces
  3. Making the Best of the Holidays After Divorce
  4. January Is Divorce Month
  5. Alone for the Holidays

Small Courtesies

November 28th, 2014

I worked for a powerful lawyer once.  He was well educated and well connected.  He moved in White House circles.  He was very wealthy.

He was an old time lawyer – the kind they don’t’ make anymore.  He would bang out his pleadings on a typewriter and give them to his secretary to put on the word processor.  He was a fearsome litigator and would take an appeal as high and as long as the client was willing.  He won some big cases and was written up in the newspapers.

Despite all this, he was unfailingly polite to everyone.  He never failed to say good morning to the doorman at his office building.  He always recited the beginning of the postman’s creed, “neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night,” to the person who delivered the mail.

I was astounded by an incident at a deposition in a hard-fought case.  Opposing counsel was a smartly-dressed, well-groomed whiz kid from big law.  My lawyer introduced himself and put out his hand to shake hands with the whiz kid.  It hung there in the air.  The whiz-kid would not shake hands.  Rude behavior may pass for aggressive lawyering these days, but to my mind, there was more power in the courteous gesture.

Related posts:

  1. The Person Who Leaves First, Loses
  2. Felix the Cat and His Magic Bag of Tricks
  3. Subpoena Ad Testificandum and Duces Tecum
  4. Letter from Opposing Counsel
  5. Discounting Words

Give Thanks for Your Enemies

November 25th, 2014

With Thanksgiving coming up, I wanted to write about something to be grateful for even if you are in the middle of a divorce or custody battle.  In the past I have told you how you should be thankful for the problems that life gives you to solve, what to be thankful for, and the things you can learn from a divorce.  Today I write about being thankful for your enemies.

Life is a story with yourself as the protagonist.  And we meet different characters who are allies or enemies.  It is easy to be grateful for our friends and mentors.

Surprisingly, I also have a great deal to be thankful for from my enemies.  The worst boss I ever had as a lawyer was sadistic.  It wasn’t a good day for him unless he brought a little rain into someone’s life.  He drove me and his other lawyers to work 80 hours a week.  But there was no pleasing him.  Once I asked him what priority to give to two tasks he assigned me.  He said, “The first is priority 1, and the second is priority A.”

And yet I learned a great deal from him.  I learned how to write a business letter and a contract.  I learned how to make a business presentation.  I learned how to confront and attack my work.  I learned how to deal with adversity, stand up to bullies, and stay calm in a legal fight.

I didn’t realize it at the time, but looking back on it now, it occurs to me that you can learn as much or more from your enemies as you can from your friends.

Related posts:

  1. Thanks for the Divorce
  2. A Divorce Lawyer’s Thanksgiving
  3. Karma and Mr. Shiply
  4. The Unhappiness Gap
  5. A Divorce Lawyer’s Thanksgiving

Who Is Right and Who Is Wrong?

November 19th, 2014

While driving to the office this morning, I turned on “The Kane Show” on Hot99.5 FM.  Kane invited callers to tell him and his entourage about a relationship dispute and they would decide who was right and who was wrong.

What a great idea!  I have often said that people in relationships have different agendas and they need a good conflict resolution system.

Marriage counselors can help, but they cost money, and frequently tell you that you are both right (in alternative universes?), which may be true, but is not very satisfying.

Divorce is the ultimate conflict resolution system, but it has some serious drawbacks.  It’s expensive and time-consuming.  Sometimes the judge doesn’t tell you who was right and who was wrong.  And even when the judge does tell you, the judge frequently gets it wrong.

So we have decided, as a public service, that you can post your relationship conflicts in the comments section, and we will tell you who is right and who is wrong.  We reserve the right to be arbitrary and capricious, but at least it won’t cost you an arm and a leg.

Related posts:

  1. Uh, Oh, I Chose the Wrong Attorney
  2. Right or Wrong?
  3. Conflict Resolution System
  4. Marriage Problems
  5. Impasse

When Even a Billion Dollars Is Not Enough

November 14th, 2014

Sue Ann Ham was awarded nearly a billion dollars in her divorce from energy tycoon Harold Hamm in Oklahoma.

But her attorney says that’s less than 6 percent of the couple’s estimated $18 billion wealth.

She is planning to appeal.   More.

Related posts:

  1. Multi-Billion Dollar Divorce
  2. Billion Dollar Divorce
  3. Most Expensive Divorce Ever
  4. Accrued Leave
  5. All Divorce Dollars Are Not Equal

Divorce Classes

October 31st, 2014

We have court-ordered parenting classes for people going through divorce in Maryland, but Oklahoma is trying something different.  Their classes will discuss divorce and emphasize reconciliation in an attempt to convince people to stay married.

State Senator Rob Standridge, who sponsored the new law, says not every marriage can be saved, and the law is not designed to force couples to stay together.  But some couples can successfully reconcile and that may be best for their children.

Do you think we ought to try something like this in Maryland?

Related posts:

  1. Divorce Advice
  2. Online Help for Do It Yourself Divorce
  3. Substance, Processes, and Values in Divorce
  4. A Divorce Coach for Free
  5. Stays

Divorce Quotes

October 30th, 2014

“Basically it costs as much to get unmarried as it does to get married.” Bruce Cameron, Cameron Law PLLC, The Huffington Post

Related posts:

  1. Celebrity Divorce News
  2. Divorce Quotes
  3. Billionaire Divorce Stats
  4. Divorce Quotes
  5. The High Cost of Divorce

They Never Mentioned That in School

October 29th, 2014

When I was a chemical engineering student, we used slide rules and stayed up all night to work out problems with accuracy to the third decimal point.

My first job out of school was with Proctor & Gamble.  I was assigned to design a Toluene storage system.  Toluene is a toxic, highly flammable, liquid chemical used in making soap.

I used temperature and pressure to calculate the volume of the tank we needed to store the Toluene within three decimal points.

I gave the numbers to Tom, the flat-topped, draftsman with horn-rim glasses, assigned to draw up my design.  Tom was more experienced than me.  He took my number and multiplied it by one and a half.

“Why’d you do that?” I asked.

“To give us a margin of safety.”

They never mentioned that last part in engineering school.

When I was in law school, we learned that a court obtains personal jurisdiction over a person through service of process, which is governed by a detailed and arcane set of rules.  If a litigant fails to follow these rules, you can file a motion to dismiss based on lack of service of process.  You do this by a “special appearance” which allows you to appear in court to argue your motion without submitting yourself to the jurisdiction of the court.

I filed a motion to dismiss for lack of service of process in a case recently by special appearance.  The judge made a “finding” that, even if my client was not properly served, he had actual notice of the complaint, and therefore my motion was denied.

They never mentioned that last part in law school.

Related posts:

  1. Certificate of Service
  2. Service of Process
  3. Racing to the Courthouse
  4. What to Do if Your Spouse is Evading Service
  5. How to Request a Hearing
 
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