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Maryland Divorce Legal Crier

News and comments about divorce, child support, child custody, alimony, equitable property distribution, father’s rights, mother’s rights, family law, laws on divorce and other legal information in Maryland.

Archive for November, 2015

Age Can Create Unique Divorce Problems

Monday, November 30th, 2015

He was in his 70’s when multi-millionaire Martin Zelman of New York wed Lois Zelman. They entered into a prenuptial agreement. Fifteen years later, Martin filed for divorce.

But by then Martin had dementia and the judge decided he wasn’t competent enough to understand what he was seeking.

Martin’s children by another marriage were appointed trustees and after much litigation and several years later they reached a settlement this year with Lois. She gets about ten million dollars.

The lesson here is that in a prenuptial agreement, you should address not only what happens in the event of a divorce, but also other contingencies like death, disability and dementia.

High Conflict People

Friday, November 27th, 2015

Someone once asked me what I valued most in a relationship. I said “peace”.

There are people who want just the opposite even though they may not realize it. Bill Eddy of the High Conflict Institute describes them like this:

“High-conflict people (HCPs) have a pattern of high-conflict behavior that increases conflict rather than reducing or resolving it. This pattern usually happens over and over again in many different situations with many different people. The issue that seems in conflict at the time is not what is increasing the conflict. The ‘issue’ is not the issue.”

He says these people have a pervasive need for conflict in their lives. They may not process conflict in their minds the same way that most people typically do nor be capable of resolving disputes.  They argue with you for the sake of arguing.

Are You Being Gaslighted?

Wednesday, November 25th, 2015

gasl2Every so often I make my kids and my wife watch a one of my favorite old time movies like Citizen Kane or Casa Blanca. They usually raise eyebrows at my suggestions and say something smart alecky like, “Is it in black and white?” But they participate in the “what did you learn from this?” discussion that follows.

I think the next one will be Gaslight, the 1944 film, starring Charles Boyer and Ingrid Bergman. In the movie, the husband tries to drive his wife crazy using various deceptions including turning down the gaslights in the house.

The term is now used to describe similar emotional abuse and manipulations in marriages and relationships. Even smart people are susceptible to gas lighting. It occurs when you allow the other persons voice to outweigh your own memory and perceptions.

 
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