(To the tune of “Santa Baby” by Joan Javits)

Lawyer baby, just slip a complaint across your desk, for me
So I can get my divorce quickly
Lawyer baby, so hurry file the complaint today

Lawyer baby, a ‘54 convertible too, light blue,
And half the other property
Lawyer baby, so hurry file the complaint today

Think of all the fun I’ve missed,
Think of all the fellows that I haven’t kissed
Next year I could be just as good
With everything on my divorce list

Lawyer baby, I want a yacht and really that’s not a lot
Been an angel all year
Lawyer baby, so hurry file the complaint today

Lawyer honey, one little thing I really need, the deed
To a platinum mine,
Lawyer baby, so hurry file the complaint today

Lawyer cutie, and fill my stocking with a duplex and cheques,
Sign your x on the line
Lawyer cutie, and hurry file the complaint today

Come and let me pay your fee,
With the cash you will collect for me
I really do believe in you,
Let’s see you get me alimony

Lawyer baby, forgot to mention one little thing, a ring,
I don’t mean on the phone,
Lawyer baby, so hurry file the complaint today

Hurry file the complaint today
Hurry, today.

• Americans paid $9.4 billion in alimony to former spouses in 2007.  (IRS)
• That’s up from $5.6 billion a decade earlier.  (IRS)
• 97% of alimony-payers were men last year.   (U.S. Census)
• The percentage of women supporting ex-husbands is increasing.  (U.S. Census)
• Women made up 46.7% of the work force last year.  (DOL)
• That’s up from 41.2% in 1978.  (DOL)
• Women, 45 to 54 years old, earn 75% as much as men the same age.

– from “The New Art of Alimony” by Jennifer Levitz for the Wall Street Journal

In Greenwich, Connecticut, publishing mogul Peter Brant has filed new pleadings in his divorce from Victoria’s Secret model Stephanie Seymour.

He alleges that she is spending $257,000 per month.  Her clothing bill alone is $50,000 a month.  She must have a big closet.

I can’t feel too sorry for Brant, though.  He is worth about $489 million.

Read more here.

At ABC News, Alice Gomstyn has an article about women who are angry about having to pay alimony to men.  As a result of more women become primary breadwinners in the family, the number of American men receiving alimony has climbed, from 7,000 in 1998 to 13,000 in 2008, according to the U.S. Census Bureau.  Now that the economy has gone from boom to bust, some of these high earning women are feeling pinched by their alimony payments.

Nelson A. Garcia will present Divorce Legal Seminar in Spanish at the Commission for Women’s Counseling and Career Center in Rockville Maryland on October 13, 2009, from 6:00 to 9:00 pm.  This seminar will help you to learn the different aspects of the process of separation and divorce. You will learn how to choose an attorney, how property is distributed, and how to get a restraining order, in case of domestic violence. How to obtain custody and alimony for your children will also be discussed. At the end of the session, you will have the opportunity to ask questions.  The cost is $30.  Here is the seminar announcement in Spanish.

SUS DERECHOS LEGALES EN EL DIVORCIO:

RESUMEN GENERAL Y TEMAS RELACIONADOS CON LOS HIJOS

Martes, 13 de Octubre, 2009, 6-9 pm

Este seminario, presentado en español, le ayudará a conocer los diferentes aspectos del proceso de separación y divorcio. Se discutirá cómo escoger un abogado, cómo conseguir separación de bienes y la forma de obtener una orden de protección en casos de violencia doméstica. También se discutirá cómo obtener la custodia de sus hijos y asistencia para su manutención. Al cierre de la sesión, habrá oportunidad para preguntas y respuestas.  Costo: $30

Nelson A. García, a family law attorney in the firm of Thyden Gross and Callahan, LLP has volunteered for several years at the Commission for Women as a presenter.  Mr. Garcia also volunteers in free legal clinics at a number of organizations including CASA de Maryland in domestic violence, child custody and divorce matters.  He received his J.D. from Boston College Law School and his B.A. in English and Business co-majors from Florida State University.  He is a member of the Maryland and District of Columbia Bar and is currently Secretary of the Maryland Hispanic Bar Association and a member of its Legislative Committee.

In Maryland, if only one party wants a divorce, they can get it eventually.  A two year separation is grounds for divorce under Section 7-103(a)(5) of the Family Law Article of the Maryland Code.

That is why I say it takes two people to get married, but only one to get divorced.

Fault, or as the statute says “the circumstances that contributed to the estrangement of the parties”, is a factor the court can take into consideration in alimony and property determinations.

So is a divorce always the fault of one person, or are both parties at fault in some way?  This is the question asked at CreateDebate.com where you can register and vote and leave your comments.  Or you can tell us your opinion in the comment section below.

The first image broadcast by network television was a picture of Felix the Cat.  I remember watching Felix on tv when I was a kid.  He had a Magic Bag of Tricks and whenever he got stumped by a problem, he would reach into his bag and pull out some tool or device that would help him solve the problem.

I wish I had a Magic Bag of Tricks in real life.  A lawyer can do a lot of things, but sometimes the tools in my toolbox are limited.  Clients look to their lawyers to solve all sorts of problems.  But first you have to have a problem that the law recognizes as a problem.  For example, I wrote recently that not every marital agreement is recognized by law as an enforceable contract.

The law does not provide a remedy for every wrong.  There is no legal tool that will turn your difficult spouse into a nicer, more reasonable and responsible person.   I can get alimony and child support and property, but I probably cannot recover damages for the hurt you felt during your marriage.  The court can give you a visitation schedule, but it can’t make your child want to visit with you.  I can’t make your spouse settle on your terms and I can’t make opposing counsel return my calls if they don’t want to.

As a mediator said to one of my clients, “I only have a pen, not a magic wand.”

The Viet Nam War was winding down, I just got out of the army, and I was an eager new law student, opening my first law book and reading my first case.  It was for a class in Contracts, yet it turned out to involve a divorce.  With a sense of wonder, I turned the pages, and peeked into the private lives of Mr. and Mrs. Balfour.  I was hooked.

Mr. Balfour, a civil engineer from England, was assigned to Ceylon (now Sri Lanka) in the early 1900’s.  While on leave in England, Mrs Balfour came down with rheumatic arthritis.  Her doctor said that she should stay in England for her health rather than return to the jungle climate of Ceylon.

Mr. Balfour, before sailing for Ceylon, promised he would send her 30 pounds a month, which he did for awhile.  But later he wrote that it was better for them to stay separated, and he stopped the payments.  Mrs. Balfour obtained a divorce and alimony.  In addition, she sued him for breach of contract for the 30 pounds a month he had promised.

The lower court held that Mr. Balfour had to continue to pay her as agreed.  The Court of Appeal unanimously reversed, finding that there was no agreement enforceable in law.  Although the judges’ reasons differed, the heart of their analysis was that married couples make agreements all the time, to pay an allowance, for example, and those domestic agreements do not rise to the level of a contract enforceable by law.  And a young law student learned that the court does not enforce every agreement.  Balfour v Balfour [1919] 2 KB 571

TGC Attorneys James J. Gross and Nelson A. Garcia will speak at the Commission for Women tonight at 7:00 pm on Negotiating a Separation Agreement with Your Spouse.

The seminar will include the advantages of an agreement over a contested divorce, what to include in an agreement, tips and tactics, strategies for negotiation, the different stages of negotiation and different negotiation techniques.

The cost is $20.  Call (240) 777-8300 for more information.  The Commission for Women is located at 401 N. Washington Street, Rockville, Maryland.

The Latin word “alimonia” means food, support, nourishment, sustenance.

The Latin word “alere” means to nourish and the Latin suffix “monia” signifies action, state, or condition.