You probably didn’t expect to be divorced or separated on Thanksgiving at this time in your life.  You probably feel like saying, “Gee, thanks for another #@*!! personal growth experience.”  Well, instead of staying at home feeling sorry for yourself and ordering pizza for Thanksgiving, here are some ideas to help you make it through the long holiday weekend.

The first thing you have to do is get into action.  Move your body and the head will follow.  Go for a walk or a jog.  Get to the gym and start losing that marriage fat.  Start a dance class or take tennis lessons.  Any activity is good that will get you moving.  Don’t think about it.  Just do it.  Force yourself.

The next thing to do is build a support network.  This can be your friends, relatives, religious leader, neighbor or therapist.  Join a support group.  Participate in online support groups.  It may seem to you that you are the only person in the world going through a divorce, but you are not alone.

Now, get outside of your troubles.  Find someone with problems bigger than yours and help them.  Volunteer to feed the homeless for Thanksgiving.  Visit a nursing home or a hospital.

Invite some friends over for a potluck supper.  Everything is attitude.  Stay positive and strong and have a great Thanksgiving.  Leave a comment if you have an activity or idea that helped you survive Thanksgiving when going through a divorce.

Uncontested divorces in Maryland are heard by a Family Law Master.  The Plaintiff needs to appear in court to testify.  The Defendant need only appear if it is what he or she wants to do.  Here’s a checklist of things you need for an uncontested divorce hearing:

• Report of Absolute Divorce or Annulment of Marriage (the Blue Form)
• Separation Agreement
• A Copy of Your Marriage Certificate
• Child Support Guidelines Worksheet
• Corroborating Witness and Witness Information Form
• Submission to Judgment

Many clients ask about getting an online divorce.  I have seen a couple of on line agreements that weren’t filled out properly by the clients.  And I have seen one for Washington, DC, where the on line form terminated child support at age 18.  DC law provides for child support until age 21.

Now comes news of the State Attorney General’s Office for Washington State closing down Online Divorce, a Delaware Company.  According to Hector Castro at SeattlePI.Com, the company charged $249 for a divorce and claimed that its staff included “divorce specialists.”

But after complaints from customers that they couldn’t get services or refunds, the state began investigating and found that the company was providing paralegal services without attorney oversight, a violation of state law.  The company ceased doing business in Washington state and at last report is looking for an attorney.

?Which strategies do people and their lawyers employ during divorces? There are only two social strategies that human beings use, according to Herb Guggenheim writing for CapitalM, the local Mensa newsletter. Those strategies are:

1. Reciprocal Altruism.

This approach is based on the idea that if you do kind things for other people, they will do kind things for you. It is the psychological equivalent of the Golden Rule, that is do unto others that which you would have them do unto you. It is the American cliche, “You pat my back and I’ll pat yours.” It is the French saying, “You send the elevator up to me and I’ll send it back down to you.”

2. I’m Only in It for Myself.

These people see the world as a hostile place. It is dog eat dog. Only the strong survive. These social Darwinist believe that while the inferior, weak people are busy being nice to each other, they will swoop down and take what they want, when they want, no matter what the consequences may be.

If both parties use Reciprocal Altruism, the divorce can be settled rather handily. If both are using I’m Only in It for Myself, then it seems they are destined to have a long and costly litigation. What happens if they are each using a different strategy? It seems to me, the I’m Only in It for Myself strategist will walk all over the Reciprocal Altruism strategist and end up with the better part of the marital estate. Guggenheim says, that while he can sleep better at night as a Reciprocal Altruist, it is his observation that people who take what they want seldom suffer for it.

Perhaps the best strategy is a blend of both. Focus on what you want and ask for it. Be polite but firm in the asking — an iron fist in a velvet glove. Like the Eagle on the Quarter, hold out the olive branch in one hand (settlement) and the arrows in the other (litigation). Then your spouse can decide which strategy it is going to be.

The IRS said audits for last year rose 7 percent for individuals, 14 percent for taxpayers earning more than $100,000, and 30 percent for those making $200,000 or more according to this article. Millionaires had a 1 in 11 chance of losing at audit roulette.

A test to see if divorced couples were correctly reporting alimony in California concluded that 40 percent of the taxpayers flubbed it, usually over several years. On average, they owed the state an additional $5,800 — and that was just tab before the IRS was notified.

Auditors commonly found recipients of alimony and family support failed to report it as income. Meanwhile, the spouses cutting checks often wrote off alimony that the divorce decree stipulated was neither taxable nor deductible, or erroneously deducted child-support payments.