News and comments about divorce, child support, child custody, alimony, equitable property distribution, father’s rights, mother’s rights, family law, laws on divorce and other legal information in Maryland.
A bill introduced in the Maryland House of Delegates that would revise and increase child support guidelines is winding its way through the legislature. The guidelines are based on the statistical estimated cost of raising children in 1998 and have not been updated for 20 years. The bill had its first reading on February 25, 2009.
Story #1. A young man learns that a woman he is dating is pregnant. Although he is not in love with her, he marries her because that is the right thing to do. He manages to complete college and finds a job with the government. Although he is a good provider for his family, his wife constantly berates him, argues with him, criticizes him, and withholds marital relations from him. He tries to talk to her about their marital strife, and asks her to go to marital counseling, but it is hopeless. In desperation, he seeks solace elsewhere and begins a relationship with another woman. He and the other woman are truly in love and he has a child with the other woman. He takes on a second job to support his child from the second relationship. He tries hard not to disrupt his marriage but after several years of trying, he cannot take it any more, and asks his wife for a divorce. He is the father and sole support of two young children and he should not be punished for trying to do the right thing.
Story #2. A young man learns that a woman he is dating is pregnant. He marries her. He then begins a life of deceit. Although he has a child with her, he cheats on her. He goes away on trips, seldom spends time with his wife and child, and finally impregnates another woman. He begins a double life with his married family and his girlfriend and child on the side. He takes money from his married family to support his girlfriend. After several years, his wife finally discovers his infidelity and files for divorce. This man is a liar and a coward and has dissipated his families marital assets.
If you were the judge, how would you divide assets and determine support in these two cases? Would it be different in each case?
The interesting thing is that both scenarios are the same case. The first is the story told by the husband’s attorney and the second is the story told by the wife’s attorney. Which story will the judge buy into? The judge will make a decision because that is what we pay the judges to do. But real life is not always so black and white as the judge’s final order is. There are always shades of gray and some truth in both stories.
Dr. Richard Batista, a surgeon in New York, met his wife, Dawnell Batista, when he was working in a hospital and she was training to be a nurse. They married in 1991 and had three children together.
In 2001, Dawnell needed a kidney transplant. Richard donated one of his.
A couple of years later, Richard claims Dawnell started an extramarital affair. She sued for divorce in 2005 and they have been battling it out since then.
Richard, apparently frustrated by a lack of progress in the negotiations, held a press conference and demanded his wife return his kidney. Alternatively, he will agree to settle for $1.5 million in compensation for his loss.
New York divorce attorneys don’t give him good odds of winning this one.
Source: USA Today
January is usually the month when the most divorces are filed during the year.
“It may be because the holidays are over or that people want a fresh start at the New Year,” says Dr. Barton Goldsmith, a family therapist in California.
Some people want to get through the holidays with a minimum of disruption to the families. Others are hoping their partner will change. When nothing happens at the end of the old year or start of the new year, they view divorce as the solution.
Dr. Goldsmith has good advice on breaking the news to the children, gently and slowly. He also tells you not to beat yourself up too much with would-a, could-a and should-a during the difficult divorce process.
“There may not be a perfect moment,” he says.
If you have tried counseling, communicating, and compromising, divorce may be your next best option.
Taking a laptop on holiday can break up a family warns Professor of Psychology, Gary Cooper, of Lancaster University in the Daily Express.
“People seem to think a holiday is about having a short break and catching the sun while doing a bit of work. That’s dumb,” according to the Professor. “A holiday isn’t just for rest and recuperation but to commune again with your family, connect with your children. Obviously if the employee is stupid enough to take their laptop with them and tell their employer that they are available, then they are going to be exploited.”
I must confess that I have taken a laptop with me on every vacation with my family. Deb Shinder says she does too at wxpnews.com. She points out that laptops can be misused on a vacation just like a book, golf clubs or a fishing rod. But they are a tool than can allow you to get away from work and take a vacation in the first place. And they can benefit your family time by provoking interesting conversation, providing entertainment and helping you find places and things to do while on your vacation.
Do you take your laptop on vacation? Do you think your spouse ought to leave the laptop at home? Let us know what you think.
Fear is a prevalent emotion during a divorce. And there are a lot of things to be afraid of, like:
“I have many great fears of my pending divorce. I’m afraid of my kids looking at another man as a second dad. Though we have agreed on joint custody of our 4-year-old boy and unborn child, that still means they will be with her next husband the same amount of time I am. I’m afraid that I will never be as happy with anyone else as I have been with my wife. I know I will get jealous of her being with another man – being intimate with him, telling him she loves him. It tears me apart inside.” Andy’s Dad at Divorce360.com
Andy says his wife was his one true love. But let me tell you one of the Secrets of the Universe. True loves are like street cars. There’s another one coming along every five minutes.
Here’s another Secret of the Universe. You only meet your one true love after you have lost your one true love. Just ask my clients who have remarried.
Andy’s Dad’s fears are reasonable, but given time, they will become less and less important to him. His life will become complicated with new relationships. Eventually his fears will fade, and his feelings will become peace, tranquility, serenity and happiness.
What are your divorce fears? Feel free to leave them in the comments section.
Historically, in Maryland, there was a time when the father was the preferred custodian for the children, since he had the duty to provide for their protection, education, and maintenance.
Later, there was a maternal preference, especially in the case of young children, called the Tender Years Doctrine. Now, the law requires that neither parent be given preference solely because of his or her sex.
The standard for determining custody is the Best Interest Standard; that is, what arrangement for access to both parents will be in the best interest of the child. There are many criteria for Best Interest, but the court has broad discretion to make decisions. Factors considered in custody disputes include the fitness of the parents, their character and reputation, what the parents want and what agreements they may have reached, the preference of a child who is old enough to form “a rational judgment,” the age, health, and sex of the child, and such other factors as whether there has been abandonment, abuse, or adultery (if detrimental to the child).
What does that mean, in practice? Statistics reflect that in the vast majority of divorces, mothers get primary custody—whether by agreement or by court order. Why? Because the law looks backward to determine the future. Whatever circumstances have existed before carry the most weight in a court’s determination about what ought to happen in the future. So if a mother has been the person who has taken the children to the doctor, if she knows their teachers and their clothing sizes and who their friends are, if she has made the babysitter arrangements and play dates and handled most of the day-to-day decision-making and discipline of the children, she will have a good chance of obtaining custody.
TGC Attorney, Nelson Garcia, appeared on WUSA TV Channel 9 News yesterday to discuss the Christie Brinkley vs. Peter Cook divorce case with Derrick McGinty. “Being a bad spouse,” Nelson said, “doesn’t necessarily make you a bad father. The judge has to consider parenting skills, not marital misconduct, in determining what’s in the best interests of the children.”
Divorce is difficult and costly. Avoid it if possible.
Sometimes you have no choice. It takes two people to get married, but only one to get divorced. If your spouse wants a divorce, then you can slow it down, but you cannot prevent it altogether. Someone determined to get a divorce is allowed by law to get one even if one of the parties does not want a divorce. Or maybe you just made a mistake in marrying the person you did, and you need to correct it and get on with your life.
If you do have a choice in the matter, then the first question you have to ask yourself is do you really want a divorce. The answer may not be clear to you right now. The decision to stay in your marriage or leave it is a significant one. It frequently takes time, sometimes years, to make this decision. So it is alright to stay in the inquiry stage for a while. Here are some of the things you need to think about before you decide to get a divorce.
Sometimes the devil you know is better than the devil you don’t know. Although you may not get along with your spouse, you may dislike being alone even more. Eating by yourself, watching television alone and sleeping by yourself can be difficult.
If you have been away from the singles scene for awhile during your marriage, you may find it to be an uncomfortable situation. You are older now. You may have children to deal with.
Two may be able to live as cheaply as one when they are married. But in a divorce you are trying to pay for two separate households with the same money that previously supported one. This usually means there is not enough blanket to cover the cot. Sacrifices must be made and your standard of living might go down.
Divorces involving custody fights over children are the worst of all. The stakes are the highest they can be. The children are right in the middle of conflict between their parents. Children usually bounce back from divorce with time. But that does not mean the bounce does not hurt. Children experience regret, blame, depression, anxiety, guilt and anger during a divorce. Their lives will change forever. The family is breaking up. The family home may be sold. Visitation and child support have to be established.
The decision to obtain a divorce is a difficult one. There are more decisions to make as you move through the process. Some will be hard to make. While these decisions are important, you will survive your divorce and move on with your life.
