News and comments about divorce, child support, child custody, alimony, equitable property distribution, father’s rights, mother’s rights, family law, laws on divorce and other legal information in Maryland.
Lincoln is one of my heroes. I’ve quoted him in some of my pleadings.
But who knew he was a divorce lawyer?
The Wall Street Journal Law Blog says that Lincoln and his law partners handled 131 divorces between 1837 and 1861.
Scott Dekraai, 41, allegedly walked into the beauty salon where his ex-wife worked and killed her and seven other people yesterday in Seal Beach, California. They were involved in a bitter custody battle over their 8 year old son.
I think there is a rage reaction lurking in all of us. Most of us keep it under control. But emotions are strong and they can overwhelm logical thinking.
I’ve had clients who have let their anger involve them in domestic violence. I’ve had clients who have directed their anger inwardly and tried to commit suicide. When I asked them why, they said something like “I don’t know. I just snapped.”
My advice? No matter what happens in your divorce, get control of your anger. And have a big flashing neon sign in the back of your mind that says “The best revenge is living well.”
Glenn Phillips of Birmingham, Alabama, is the founder of Forte, Inc., a software consulting business, who went through a contentious divorce, as reported by Deborah L. Cohen of Reuters.
In addition to legal fees, support and property division, he estimates his divorce cost him more than $200,000 in lost business. He said he was regularly pulled away from work for meetings with lawyers, producing documents in discovery, and settlement negotiations, which took up more than a year.
“It was painful, it was costly,” said Phillips, “I wasn’t there to lead and direct.” Phillips was able to keep his business and turn things around eventually but divorce can have hidden and indirect costs for small business owners.
A kind word turneth away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. –Proverbs 15:1
Tareq Salahi has filed for divorce from Michaele Salahi, White House gate crasher and one of the Real Housewives of DC.
Tareq accuses Michaele of desertion and adultery with Journey guitarist Neal Schon.
In the Complaint, Tareq claims Schon sent Michaele a picture of a part of his body via email.
There is no lawyer’s name on the Complaint, but it appears to be drafted by someone who knows divorce law. There is no mention of a prenuptial agreement.
Comes word of a study, as reported by Timothy Boyer on EmaxHealth.com, of a common personality trait among people who fared better than others in divorce.
“Self-compassion—a combination of kindness toward oneself, recognition of common humanity, and the ability to let painful emotions pass, says psychologist David A. Sbarra “can promote resilience and positive outcomes in the face of divorce.”
According to Dr. Sbarra,” Understanding your loss as part of bigger human experience helps assuage feelings of isolation. Mindfulness—noting jealousy or anger without judgment or rumination—lets you turn your mind to life in the present without getting stuck in the past.”
Dr. Sbarra believes that self-compassion can be learned and should be part of counseling for people going through a divorce.
Real world relationships are tough enough but MapleStory, a free online role playing game, has a divorce rate of 75%.
Andy Chalk writes at EscapistMagazine.com that it costs $25 real dollars to get married in MapleStory.
“I was young, naive, and thought I had met ‘the one.’ says 20 year old Tyler, and 19 year old Seth says “She was only out there to get free things off of me.”
On the bright side,MapleStory divorcees don’t pay alimony or child support and they don’t have to go to court. I wonder if this will be good practice for these people when they get married in real life.
Resorts offer Wedding and Honeymoon Packages. It was only a matter of time until someone came up with a Divorce Vacation. Casa Velas, a resort in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico is offering a Divorce Package from August 1 through December 22, which includes:
# Luxury Accommodation in our Presidential Suite
# Full bar in the living area of the suite.
# A private in-suite welcome dinner.
# Private farewell cocktail party for the wedding ring (coffin for the ring included!)
# VIP night on the town to kick off the single life right.
# A jewelry consultation to redesign your ex-engagement ring.
# A shopping tour to start enjoying that settlement.
Henry Silverman, 68, of New York, married Nancy Silverman, 66, in 1978. In their 30 years of marriage, Henry built Cendant Corporation into a multi-billion dollar company that provides car rentals, travel reservation services as well, real estate brokerage and hotel franchises.
Then he got a divorce in 2008 and soon after became engaged to yoga instructor Karen Hader. In dividing up the marital assets, Henry submitted that he was an innate genius and Nancy had no part in his financial success. He alone, through his unique personal traits, was responsible for accumulating a $450 million fortune during the marriage. To support his theory, he submitted affidavits from three psychologists who would testify at trial about his intelligence.
State Supreme Court Judge Laura Drager rejected the evidence, saying that although “the husband brought to his work innate abilities and acumen that helped cause the business to succeed, ” the wife also contributed by “managing the couples’ domestic and social life and raising their daughter, and the social introductions and other efforts she claims to have made that assisted the husband in business.”
Some clients ask me the best way to bring up the subject divorce with their spouse. I’ve always said, you might try asking questions, like “Are you happy in our marriage?” and “What do you see in the future for our marriage?”
If that doesn’t work, or you don’t want to do it, I’ll do it for you by sending a lawyer’s letter to your spouse to begin negotiations on a separation agreement.
Today, however, I found a better answer in a thoughtful article by Harriet Lerner, Ph.D. in Psychology Today, which I am going to start giving to clients who ask me that question. She says, you don’t want to bring it up in anger, or to punish, shape up, or shake up the other person. And you don’t have to mention divorce every time it passes through your head.
Instead she counsels basic fairness. She says it’s not fair to conceal crucial facts that affect your partner. Divorce should never come out of the blue. Talk frankly about divorce with your spouse and first give your spouse a chance of deciding whether to make the necessary changes to make your marriage work.
