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Divorce Lawyers

Thyden Gross and Callahan LLPCounselors and Attorneys at Law

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Maryland Divorce Legal Crier

News and comments about divorce, child support, child custody, alimony, equitable property distribution, father’s rights, mother’s rights, family law, laws on divorce and other legal information in Maryland.

Archive for the ‘Emotions’ Category

Divorce Quotes

Wednesday, December 30th, 2015

“Divorce is the psychological equivalent of a triple coronary bypass.” — Mary Kay Blakely

Thinking About Divorce

Thursday, December 17th, 2015

More than half the married people in the U.S. have thought about divorcing their spouse according to a survey by researchers at Brigham Young University.

However, as the researchers wrote in their study, “thoughts about divorce as just that — thoughts, not concrete actions, decisions, or even deep doubts.”

Thoughts about6 divorce are not only common in marriages, they can actually have a beneficial effect. The researchers say thoughts about divorce can be a needed wake-up call to work on your marriage and promote positive change.

High Conflict People

Friday, November 27th, 2015

Someone once asked me what I valued most in a relationship. I said “peace”.

There are people who want just the opposite even though they may not realize it. Bill Eddy of the High Conflict Institute describes them like this:

“High-conflict people (HCPs) have a pattern of high-conflict behavior that increases conflict rather than reducing or resolving it. This pattern usually happens over and over again in many different situations with many different people. The issue that seems in conflict at the time is not what is increasing the conflict. The ‘issue’ is not the issue.”

He says these people have a pervasive need for conflict in their lives. They may not process conflict in their minds the same way that most people typically do nor be capable of resolving disputes.  They argue with you for the sake of arguing.

Are You Being Gaslighted?

Wednesday, November 25th, 2015

gasl2Every so often I make my kids and my wife watch a one of my favorite old time movies like Citizen Kane or Casa Blanca. They usually raise eyebrows at my suggestions and say something smart alecky like, “Is it in black and white?” But they participate in the “what did you learn from this?” discussion that follows.

I think the next one will be Gaslight, the 1944 film, starring Charles Boyer and Ingrid Bergman. In the movie, the husband tries to drive his wife crazy using various deceptions including turning down the gaslights in the house.

The term is now used to describe similar emotional abuse and manipulations in marriages and relationships. Even smart people are susceptible to gas lighting. It occurs when you allow the other persons voice to outweigh your own memory and perceptions.

Secret to a Happy Marriage Revealed

Friday, October 23rd, 2015

Scientists at the University of Georgia have discovered the secret to a long and happy marriage. They surveyed 468 married people and asked questions about finance, communication and expressions of gratitude by their spouses.

“We found that feeling appreciated and believing that your spouse values you directly influences how you feel about your marriage, how committed you are to it, and your belief that it will last,” said Ted Futris, co-author of the study.

They also found that spousal gratitude can solve negative problems in other areas of the relationship as well, such a money problems or arguments.

The most consistent significant predictor of marital quality in the study turned out to be spousal expression of gratitude, that is saying thank you. “It goes to show the power of ‘thank you,’” Allen Barton, lead author, said. “Even if a couple is experiencing distress and difficulty in other areas, gratitude in the relationship can help promote positive marital outcomes.”

The secret of a long and happy marriage? Thank your spouse at every opportunity.

Divorce Quotes

Friday, October 2nd, 2015

“Let miracles replace all grievances.” — A Course in Miracles

Divorce Quotes

Friday, April 17th, 2015

“Wherever a new disagreement emerges, so does new hope for enlightenment, on both sides of the fence.” — Mike Dooley, Notes from the Universe

Sweatpants Are Number One Reason for Divorce

Wednesday, March 25th, 2015

Eva Mendes says the number one reason for divorce is sweatpants.  That got a lot of pushback on social media but I think I know what she meant.  Sweatpants is just a symbol for a way of life.

In the sixties, some men grew their hair long.  Others objected to that.  But it wasn’t really the long hair they were objecting to.  They were really objecting to the hippie lifestyle and liberal belief system that long hair represented.

Think of a complicated set of beliefs as a suitcase.  Then use another word as a handle to carry that suitcase around.  For example, lawyers use the handle res ipsa loquitur meaning “the thing speaks for itself”.  This is a presumption that helps prove something by circumstantial evidence.  An example is if you see a broken flower pot on the sidewalk and a ledge above with flower pots, you can presume the flower pot fell off the ledge even though you didn’t see it happen.  But that’s too complicated to explain to the judge every time, so a lawyer might just say “res ipsa” and the judge knows what the lawyer means.

I think that Ms. Mendes was using sweatpants as a shortcut to say that you have to work at a marriage.  She meant you can’t just have an I-don’t-care sweatpants attitude about your relationship.  You have to bring a yoga pants attitude to your marriage.  That means you need to care about your spouse and your marriage.   And that means doing things like saying “I love you”, showing affection, talking, and being interested in their life.

Divorce Quotes

Friday, March 13th, 2015

There is no negotiating with crazy.  — Brian Perskin, NY Divorce Lawyer

The Best of Times, the Worst of Times

Friday, December 12th, 2014

My oldest son entered high school this year.  He said he likes it.  He is very confident, outgoing and popular.  He takes after his mother.

I told him I didn’t like high school very much.  I was shy, introverted and not a member of “the in crowd”.  I was a geek, a nerd, a brainiac.   I wore thick, horn-rimmed glasses.

I mentioned this conversation to an old friend that I’ve known since high school.  He said, “Really?  But you had it pretty good in high school.”

That set me to thinking.  I was the star of two school plays. I dated the valedictorian of the class ahead of me.  I won an award for poetry and an award for math and science.  I worked as a disc jockey at the local radio station.

He was right.  I had a pretty good time in high school.  I just never knew it.

If you are going through the worst of times due to a divorce or separation, remember, “To change your world, just change your mind.”  You may find yourself going from the worst of times to the best of times.

 
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