Then he got a divorce in 2008 and soon after became engaged to yoga instructor Karen Hader.  In dividing up the marital assets, Henry submitted that he was an innate genius and Nancy had no part in his financial success.  He alone, through his unique personal traits, was responsible for accumulating a $450 million fortune during the marriage.  To support his theory, he submitted affidavits from three psychologists who would testify at trial about his intelligence.

State Supreme Court Judge Laura Drager rejected the evidence, saying that although “the husband brought to his work innate abilities and acumen that helped cause the business to succeed, ” the wife also contributed by “managing the couples’ domestic and social life and raising their daughter, and the social introductions and other efforts she claims to have made that assisted the husband in business.”

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“We had lost our wives and husbands. We had lost our best friends. We had lost sex. We had lost our children. We had lost our animals. We had lost our homes. We had lost our furniture. We had lost our gardens. Our incomes had severely plummeted. There were new therapists to pay, and lawyers to pay, and moving costs to pay. Some of us had to replace even the spices in our cupboards and the toilet brushes behind the bowls. We moved without screwdrivers, without our art, without our shampoo.”

No because the equity in the house is tax free.  You will pay a tax of about 35% when you start taking your pension.  That makes the pension worth 65% of $200,000 or $130,000.

Would you let your spouse keep $10,000 in the joint checking account if you can keep $10,000 in joint IBM stock?  The bank account is tax free.  Any capital gains on the IBM stock will be taxed when you sell it.  So you won’t get $10,000 in cash.

Trades that look equal on paper, aren’t necessarily equal once you take taxes into account.

Yet 40 percent of those surveyed say honesty in finances is more important than honesty about fidelity.

About one out of four (26 percent) say they avoid talking about money altogether.

Recently Brian saw an entry on her blog that she was now belly dancing.  Furious, he took her back to court.

Dorothy claimed that her doctor had prescribed belly dancing as therapy for her injuries in a 1997 car accident.  The doctor however did not support that claim in court.

The judge reduced alimony to $400 a month, ordered her to pay her husband’s attorney fees of $5,000 and to give him 60% of the proceeds from the sale of the house.

As Shakira says, “Hips Don’t Lie”.

If the prenup is presented the day before the wedding, after the invitations have been mailed, the wedding gown paid for, and the banquet hall rented, it could be challenged on the basis of duress.  The challenger might say something like, “I didn’t understand it and I didn’t read it.  I just signed it so the wedding could go on.”

The way to defend a prenup from this challenge is to start negotiating long before the wedding.  Keep drafts and other documents.  Place a clause in the agreement that says the parties have negotiated the terms for a long time before the wedding, each has consulted a lawyer or has had an opportunity to do so, each understands the provisions of the agreement, and neither feels any duress or pressure to sign.

If you know your settlement goals and priorities, you’ve had a thorough conversation with your lawyer about the range of settlement, and you’ve done some soul searching yet you simply can’t live with the most recent offers that are on the table, then a trial is your remaining option.

The good news is that few cases come to that point. About 95% of all divorce cases settle before you get to trial.  But it happens, and it’s serious business.  It’s time consuming, nerve-wracking, and incredibly expensive.  Back when I was a litigation attorney, I enjoyed going to trial because it gave me a chance to practice what I was trained to do in law school.  But I rarely encouraged clients to go to trial because even a mediocre settlement would likely net them more than a great judgment after a trial, taking into account the litigation costs, time away from work, and wear and tear on their soul.

Inappropriate or non-existent settlement offers are legitimate reasons to try your case. But be sure that’s really what you’re haggling over, and that these issues aren’t just red herrings.  If you want to go to trial to prove a point, to tell your story, or to seek justice or revenge on your spouse you’re going to be very disappointed.  Backlogged courts don’t have time for lengthy testimony, and as dramatic as your story may be to you, it’s much too similar to thousands of other divorce stories for many judges to sit up and take notice.

So understand your motivations.  Your lawyer is worried about your legal case, asset division, securing support for you, and your parenting plan if you have children.  As the client, however you may be feeling a great deal of stress, grief, loss and anger over the situation and it’s hard to think about your settlement in such nuts and bolts terms.  Conflict between you and your lawyer may happen while you’re processing the emotional divorce while the lawyer views this essentially as a business deal.

While for the divorcing spouses a trial is both an economic and psychological decision, understand that judges are mostly concerned with providing a reasonably fair allocation of income and assets based on the laws of your state. They are not concerned with unraveling every transaction between you and your spouse. Fault issues like endless arguments and hurtful words may be at the forefront of your mind, but will probably seem minor to the judge.  After all, you’re the 30^th case he or she has seen today alone.

Don’t make the decision to try your case on moral grounds alone. This is essentially a business transaction, even if it doesn’t feel that way, and you need to decide how you can finalize your case in the least expensive (both in terms of money and wear and tear on you) way possible.  Don’t let your emotions get in the way of a good, solid business decision.

Preparing for a divorce trial

Forgiveness

1. Free Visitation Schedules and Percentages
2. Free Child Support Calculator
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7. Free New Blog on Coping Strategies for Divorce Emotions
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10. Free Sample Parenting Plan (PDF)
11. Free Divorce Coaching Interactive Program
12. Free Divorce Email Newsletter (Upper Right Corner of This Page)

Alimony. In each jurisdiction, the law provides a list of factors the court must court must consider in determining alimony.  In Maryland and DC, one of the factors is circumstances surrounding the estrangement of the parties.  In Virginia, adultery can prevent a spouse from receiving alimony unless the court finds that would create a manifest injustice.

Property. In determining how marital property is to be equitably distributed, each jurisdiction has another list of factors the court must consider.  In Maryland, there is a catch all provision that includes any other factors that the court considers appropriate.  In Virginia, one factor is circumstances contributing to the dissolution of marriage.  In DC, it is circumstances contributing to the estrangement.

Custody. Marital misconduct does not necessarily make you a bad parent.  The test is best interest of the children.  But the parties think it is important that the judge know what a scoundrel the other parent is, especially if the other parent is slinging mud, too.

As a result, the parties spend 90% of their time in discovery and trial trying to prove fault.  While most of the judges I’ve talked to say it affects their decision by 10% or less.

She thought about taking a settlement for less than she thought was fair.  Then she discovered Balance Point Divorce Funding, a Beverly Hills company that lends money for divorce expenses in exchange for a percentage of the money obtained by the borrower in the divorce.  There are no interest charges and no payments are due until the recovery.

Attorney Stacey Napp, started Balance Point last year, after her own lengthy and expensive divorce.  She says she has loaned more than two million dollars to ten women for divorce expenses so far.

Read More:  Taking Sides in a Divorce, Chasing Profit by Binyamin Appelbaum