Marriage Tips for Men – How to Be Emotionally Available
Sometimes a divorce client of mine will tell me her husband is “not emotionally available.” I always nod my head like I understand, but to tell you the truth I have no idea what those words mean.
I know what emotion is. I know the difference between Spock and McCoy on Start Trek. Spock is a Vulcan ruled by logic with no emotions at all. McCoy is the ship doctor who is caring and compassionate. Captain Kirk embodies the best of both.
I know what it means to be available or not. But put those words together and I, like most males, am dumbfounded. We have a hard time getting our brains around the concept. I kid my wife sometimes that women should come with a translation book.
I happened to mention this at the old boy’s club, which in my case is the gym where I play racketball. All the guys there agreed they had been told they were emotionally unavailable by a woman at some point in their lives, but no one knew what it meant.
Except David. David is in sales and marketing and has taken a lot of seminars. Therefore he is wise in the ways of the world. To our surprise, David said, “Oh, I know what it means.” A hush fell over the court as we listened intently.
“Every morning when I wake up I say the same thing to my wife. I go through a litany. I have it memorized. It goes like this.”
“Oh, darling, you are so beautiful. You are the most beautiful woman in the world. I am so lucky you married me. You look so good today. I’m not sure I’m going to let you go to work. Someone might try to steal you away from me.”
I blinked. I blinked again. “That’s it? That’s all there is to it?”
“Try it,” he said. “I guarantee you will never be called emotionally unavailable again.”
Tags: Divorce, Emotions, Marriage
Related posts:
July 4th, 2008 at 8:36 am
Hi James,
Just a note to say that David is a little bit right, but the husband must change the sentence..it is impossible to say everyday the same phrase.
Anyway, I think the only thing missing is passionality. When someone cares about a person..everything comes natural.
Have a good day to everybody!
Margaret
January 24th, 2010 at 1:18 pm
I think David is a moron. I am an emotionally unavailable man and even I can know that his solution is a shallow, false hearted load of crap. Being emotionally available is easy to define – being aware of the people around you and actively caring for their needs. Actually BEING emotionally available is another thing entirely. But it is a far cry from some daily BS sales pitch.
February 1st, 2010 at 2:53 pm
Kevin:
Divorce can make you lose, among other things, your sense of humor.
May 3rd, 2010 at 9:29 am
great post as usual!