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Thyden Gross and Callahan LLPCounselors and Attorneys at Law

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Maryland Divorce Legal Crier

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The Deceiver and the Denier

Timing is something you need to be aware of in a divorce.  Sometimes one person gets ahead of the other in the process.  One person is ready to negotiate an agreement and move on while the other person is a basket case and incapable of making legal and financial decisions.

People get out of synch in their timing because one person has been thinking about a divorce for a long time.  The decision to stay or go takes a lot of thought.

The Deceiver. The deceiver has one foot in the marriage and one foot out of the door.  But since they don’t know which way they are going to decide, they avoid the issue.  When the other spouse says “Is something wrong?”, the deceiver says “No, everything is fine.”

The Denier. Conversely, the spouse of the deceiver is the denier.  He or she is in a symbiotic relationship with the deceiver and an enabler.  The denier may notice little signs that the deceiver is thinking about leaving.  But the denier tells himself or herself that everything is fine.  Then the denier is caught by surprise when the deceiver announces he or she is leaving.  As a result, the denier is six months to a year psychologically and emotionally behind the deceiver in the divorce process.

The solution is for the deceiver to give the denier time to catch up.  Divorce is a process, not an event.  Don’t rush it.  Negotiate with patience, civility, understanding and compassion and you will get a better result.

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