Tipper Gore and Al Gore announced in an email to friends that they are separating after 40 years of marriage.  They said they labored over the decision for a long time and reached a mutual agreement to live separately.  The reason given was that they had grown apart.

My wife and I have different pursuits.  She stays home with our children.  She is the president of the PTA.  She is working on a local political campaign.

I manage a busy law office and spend most days puzzling out how to untangle complex financial relationships between divorcing spouses.  Sometimes, while I am in the middle of a million dollar deal, and trying hard to concentrate on some troublesome aspect, my wife will call me.  The fish died, my son made the swim team, what was in that salad we had last week, and oh by the way we need milk.

Do I stop what I’m doing, take a deep breath and redirect my mind to her world?  You bet.

We are different, but we respect the differences, sometimes even finding humor in them.   We have different worlds but they intersect at home, family and raising our children.  We interact, communicate and participate.  Growing apart is a decision you make.  The opposite decision is staying together.

CHAPTER FIVE – GIVE AWARDS

“Bought dollar-store motivational stickers (”Great!” “Super Work”) to adorn the best of tonight’s pile of graded homework. Actually got the idea from my graduate school professor, who proved that one is never too old to get excited about a colorful “Awesome Job!” sticker.”  – Dr. Sara Romeyn

Hey, I want a sticker, too!  We all do.  Our inner child never tires of approval and a gold star.  Doesn’t it make you feel good to be acknowledged for something you did?

All to often we get criticism instead.  For some reason, it is easier to criticize than to praise.  Criticism comes naturally when we are upset or angry.  Praise has to be planned and takes some extra energy.

Make a decision to give your significant other an award today.  It can be a flower, a compliment or even an Awesome Job sticker.  Let him or her know how much you appreciate them.

“To hide one lie, a thousand lies are needed.”
- Saying in India

Tiger Woods found out the hard way.

If you are going to cheat, your spouse will find out about it.  There are no secrets.  Your paramour will tell somebody or somebody will see you together.  That somebody will tell someone else.  Eventually word will get back to your spouse.

Actions have consequences.  You may think they don’t, but they do.  Ask any divorce lawyer.  If you’re going to play, you have to pay.  Think about the consequences before you act.  Is it worth the cost?

You choose your actions.  You can choose to be faithful and committed to your marriage or not.  But affairs don’t just happen.  People don’t fall out of love with their spouses.  They make a choice.  What choices are you making in your life?

CHAPTER FOUR – PLAYING A CUSTOMER GAME

If you are not in sales, you may come across the term “customer game” late in life, as I did.  What is a customer game?  It’s when you are playing golf, chess, racketball or some other game with your customer and, although you are better, you let them win.

If you are having an argument with them, the customer is always right, even when you know they’re not.  Sometimes you have to play a customer game in an argument and let them win.

If you are in business, your customers are crucial to your success. They are how you make your living.  You want them to be happy.  That is why you let them win.

If you work for someone else, then think of your boss as your customer.

That doesn’t mean you have to be fake or insincere.  But it doesn’t take a lot to smile, be attentive, pleasant and courteous.  If you took your customers for granted and treated them poorly, they would not stick around for very long.

Now, today’s tip for staying married: Treat your spouse as well as you treat your customers and let them win a customer game once in a while.

You have to have oral testimony by the plaintiff, in person, and in the courtroom, to obtain a divorce.  Family Law Section 1-203 and Rule 9-209.

That testimony has to be corroborated by someone or something other than the parties to the divorce.  Family Law Section 7-101(b).   A marriage certificate can corroborate the marriage.  A notarized written agreement signed before the complaint was filed can corroborate a mutual and voluntary separation.  Family Law Section 1-104.

But most of your testimony is corroborated by a witness.  That testimony also has to be oral and in court “unless otherwise ordered by the court for good cause”.  Rule 9-209.

What is good cause?  The court has allowed me to use telephone testimony in a handful of cases where the corroborating witness was a geographically distant relative or a busy mental health professional.  In one uncontested divorce, I was permitted to corroborate adultery with the deposition transcript of the paramour, but the judge let me know he would have preferred live testimony.  If you are going to try to corroborate without a witness in the courtroom, call the judge’s clerk or secretary before the trial to make sure it will be permitted.

Related Articles:  Corroboration, You Have to Testify to Get Divorced

“My toughest fight was with my first wife.” – Muhammad Ali

Warren Buffet watches freight rates to gauge the state of the economy.

Jim Cramer says his oracle is the number of cardboard containers sold.

A financial analyst on MSNBC said that people buy more blue jeans when the economy is expanding.  Also, men buy brighter colored ties.

But one indicator was most interesting to me.  An increase in divorces indicates an economic recovery is on the way.  The theory is that a lot of people have been stuck in bad marriages because they couldn’t afford to get a divorce.

As we get ready to kick off the Fall football season, here comes news that the divorce rate in the National Football League may be as high as 80%.

Greg Bishop, in a New York Times article, asked Kris Jenkins, nose tackle for the New York Jets, why so many football marriages fail.

Jenkins, married just last month, listed the following reasons:   rampant infidelity, women who target athletes, trophy wives, lifestyles not conducive to marriage and players being surrounded by entourages, which can discourage intimacy.

You’ve heard of the seven year itch?  Well, it’s been moved up to five years.

A new study by the Max Plank Institute in Germany indicates that couples begin to tire of each other after only four years together.  The peak divorce risk occurs just before their fifth anniversary.

The good news is that those who make it to ten years are likely to remain married forever.

WUSA TV News Anchor, Andrea Roane, interviewed TGC Attorney, Jill Breslau, today about South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford’s marital difficulties.

“Right now it appears that Governor Sanford is more intent upon self-justification than he is on changing himself,” said Breslau.   ”His behaviors have been completely inconsistent with the values he says he holds, and he is glamorizing his relationship, and characterizing himself as a tragic hero, because he has risked everything for it—his marriage, his family, his political life, his reputation.  Only if he inflates the meaning of his affair is it worth all those potential losses.”

Regarding putting his marriage back together, Breslau, who is also a trained psychotherapist, said, “As much as the public finds it irresistible to be judgmental about Sanford’s behavior, a primary purpose of counseling is to have a private, confidential setting where the therapist is nonjudgmental.”