UC Berkeley scientists have discovered that couples who use pronouns like “we”, “us” and “our” in their conversations are happier and have healthier relationships than couples who use “I” and “you”.

The researchers analyzed the speech patterns of couples while they talked about disagreements in their marriages.  Couples who used “I” and “you” tended to be more stressed, less close and unhappy.

The study concluded the reason for this is that successful couples have a sense of unity with each other.  This helps them resolve conflicts, grow closer together and have more positive behavior toward each other.

Emerald Catron at lemmondrop.com, however, finds referring to yourself as “we” rather annoying if you’re not the Queen of England.

WUSA TV News Anchor, Andrea Roane, interviewed TGC Attorney, Jill Breslau, today about South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford’s marital difficulties.

“Right now it appears that Governor Sanford is more intent upon self-justification than he is on changing himself,” said Breslau.   ”His behaviors have been completely inconsistent with the values he says he holds, and he is glamorizing his relationship, and characterizing himself as a tragic hero, because he has risked everything for it—his marriage, his family, his political life, his reputation.  Only if he inflates the meaning of his affair is it worth all those potential losses.”

Regarding putting his marriage back together, Breslau, who is also a trained psychotherapist, said, “As much as the public finds it irresistible to be judgmental about Sanford’s behavior, a primary purpose of counseling is to have a private, confidential setting where the therapist is nonjudgmental.”

Here is some good news for relationships during the recession.

According to Time.Com, the American Psychological Association (APA) conducted a study which correlated market conditions with Playboy centerfolds.

It found that men like fuller-figured women more in lean times than in boom times.

This is perfect because another APA study showed that when stressed, women liked to eat.

Bingo!

Words are the tools of a lawyer.  Words can be used to persuade and convince.  Words can be used to build relationships or harm relationships.

Discounting is the label I give to words that harm relationships.  It means you show by your words you do not respect the other person or their opinions and beliefs.  In fact you disrespect them and have contempt for them.

You can listen to, and acknowledge, an opposing point of view without agreeing to it.  Or you can discount it.  Here is an example of discounting in a letter I received from an opposing counsel in a divorce case recently.

“Jim:  This needs to stop. You are doing a disservice to your client. This is beyond ridiculous. If your client would stop this nonsense, sign the agreement I sent last night she would get a check the next day and this would be done.  Instead, you are making changes that make no sense, conflict with each other and costing my client (not to mention yours) unnecessary fees.  I will be tied up all day Monday and will be leaving the office early, out of the office on Tuesday and am leaving at 5:30 today and have deadlines I have to meet before then.”

Divorce lawyers have to develop a fairly thick skin in the heated exchanges of a litigation practice.  But do you really think that a letter like this ever persuades anyone to do what you want them to do?  Our response was to file suit.  Discounting never works.  As the Good Book says, A kind word turneth away wrath.

Scientists have found a gene they say is linked to an increased risk of breakdown in relationships, according to an article in the Telegraph by Roger Highfield today.

The researchers found that men with one version of a gene – called the “334″ version, or allele, had low scores on a Patnership Bonding Test and were less likely to be married or reported having marital difficulties.

“Women married to men who carry one or two copies of (the gene) were, on average, less satisfied with their relationship than women married to men who didn’t carry it,” said Hasse Walum, one of the scientists.

The discovery, reports Highfield,  raises the highly speculative possibility that scientists could one day develop drugs to target the gene in an attempt to prevent marriages from falling apart.

And if that happens, divorce lawyers will need to find another line of work.