Tipper Gore and Al Gore announced in an email to friends that they are separating after 40 years of marriage.  They said they labored over the decision for a long time and reached a mutual agreement to live separately.  The reason given was that they had grown apart.

My wife and I have different pursuits.  She stays home with our children.  She is the president of the PTA.  She is working on a local political campaign.

I manage a busy law office and spend most days puzzling out how to untangle complex financial relationships between divorcing spouses.  Sometimes, while I am in the middle of a million dollar deal, and trying hard to concentrate on some troublesome aspect, my wife will call me.  The fish died, my son made the swim team, what was in that salad we had last week, and oh by the way we need milk.

Do I stop what I’m doing, take a deep breath and redirect my mind to her world?  You bet.

We are different, but we respect the differences, sometimes even finding humor in them.   We have different worlds but they intersect at home, family and raising our children.  We interact, communicate and participate.  Growing apart is a decision you make.  The opposite decision is staying together.

“My husband and I have not been intimate for over a year,” Louise, an unhappily married woman tells Joe, a Maryland divorce lawyer, “and I want a divorce.”

“OK, any other woman in his life?” inquires Joe.

“No.”

“Hmmm, any domestic violence or threats?”

“No.”

“Then you’re going to have to move out of the house for a year before you can file a divorce complaint,” says Joe trying to push the box of tissues across his desk toward Louise unobtrusively.

“But we can’t afford that,” cries Louise reaching for the tissues, “There must be another way.”

Neighboring jurisdictions, DC and Virginia permit parties to be separated while living in the same house, but not Maryland.  In Maryland, spouses are required to live separate and apart under different roofs for one year if the both agree, and two years if they don’t.  This waiting period must occur before they can even file for divorce.  And the divorce might take a year or longer after that.  These are the no fault grounds.  Adultery and cruelty have no waiting period.

The purpose of this waiting period is to favor marriage over divorce and make sure the parties really, really want to be divorced and not married.  After all, sometimes people change their minds.  But the recession has forced many couples to live together in misery because they cannot afford to separate.

So Montgomery County Delegate Luiz Simmons, an attorney, will support legislation this year to add a new grounds for divorce in Maryland, according to this morning’s Frederick News Post.  If this law passes, couples who go a year without sex would be able to file for divorce.

You have to have oral testimony by the plaintiff, in person, and in the courtroom, to obtain a divorce.  Family Law Section 1-203 and Rule 9-209.

That testimony has to be corroborated by someone or something other than the parties to the divorce.  Family Law Section 7-101(b).   A marriage certificate can corroborate the marriage.  A notarized written agreement signed before the complaint was filed can corroborate a mutual and voluntary separation.  Family Law Section 1-104.

But most of your testimony is corroborated by a witness.  That testimony also has to be oral and in court “unless otherwise ordered by the court for good cause”.  Rule 9-209.

What is good cause?  The court has allowed me to use telephone testimony in a handful of cases where the corroborating witness was a geographically distant relative or a busy mental health professional.  In one uncontested divorce, I was permitted to corroborate adultery with the deposition transcript of the paramour, but the judge let me know he would have preferred live testimony.  If you are going to try to corroborate without a witness in the courtroom, call the judge’s clerk or secretary before the trial to make sure it will be permitted.

Related Articles:  Corroboration, You Have to Testify to Get Divorced

Grounds for an absolute divorce in Maryland can be a confusing and complicated concept.  You have to have grounds for divorce in order to file a complaint.  Grounds are reasons for the divorce.  Some grounds have a waiting period.  Others do not.  Some require you to live in separate places.  Others can occur while you are still living together.  Maryland has the traditional fault grounds.  It also has the more modern no-fault grounds.

No-Fault Grounds

The no-fault grounds are one year voluntary separation or two years involuntary separation.  Both of the no-fault grounds have a waiting period before you can file for divorce and you have to be physically separated continuously for that period.  That means you live in different places, or under separate roofs, as the court says.  You cannot meet the no-fault ground requirements if you both live in the same house.

Fault Grounds

The fault grounds are adultery, cruelty, excessively vicious conduct, desertion, insanity and imprisonment.  Three of the fault grounds have no waiting period before filing a complaint.  Those are adultery, cruelty and excessively vicious conduct.  You can live in the same house and file for divorce based on adultery, cruelty, excessively vicious conduct and even desertion.

Related Posts:

Filing for Divorce While Living Together
Child Custody While Living Together
Does Ricketts Apply to Actual Desertion?
Does Rickets Apply to an Absolute Divorce?
Ricketts Revisited

Nelson A. Garcia will present Divorce Legal Seminar in Spanish at the Commission for Women’s Counseling and Career Center in Rockville Maryland on October 13, 2009, from 6:00 to 9:00 pm.  This seminar will help you to learn the different aspects of the process of separation and divorce. You will learn how to choose an attorney, how property is distributed, and how to get a restraining order, in case of domestic violence. How to obtain custody and alimony for your children will also be discussed. At the end of the session, you will have the opportunity to ask questions.  The cost is $30.  Here is the seminar announcement in Spanish.

SUS DERECHOS LEGALES EN EL DIVORCIO:

RESUMEN GENERAL Y TEMAS RELACIONADOS CON LOS HIJOS

Martes, 13 de Octubre, 2009, 6-9 pm

Este seminario, presentado en español, le ayudará a conocer los diferentes aspectos del proceso de separación y divorcio. Se discutirá cómo escoger un abogado, cómo conseguir separación de bienes y la forma de obtener una orden de protección en casos de violencia doméstica. También se discutirá cómo obtener la custodia de sus hijos y asistencia para su manutención. Al cierre de la sesión, habrá oportunidad para preguntas y respuestas.  Costo: $30

Nelson A. García, a family law attorney in the firm of Thyden Gross and Callahan, LLP has volunteered for several years at the Commission for Women as a presenter.  Mr. Garcia also volunteers in free legal clinics at a number of organizations including CASA de Maryland in domestic violence, child custody and divorce matters.  He received his J.D. from Boston College Law School and his B.A. in English and Business co-majors from Florida State University.  He is a member of the Maryland and District of Columbia Bar and is currently Secretary of the Maryland Hispanic Bar Association and a member of its Legislative Committee.

In Maryland, if only one party wants a divorce, they can get it eventually.  A two year separation is grounds for divorce under Section 7-103(a)(5) of the Family Law Article of the Maryland Code.

That is why I say it takes two people to get married, but only one to get divorced.

Fault, or as the statute says “the circumstances that contributed to the estrangement of the parties”, is a factor the court can take into consideration in alimony and property determinations.

So is a divorce always the fault of one person, or are both parties at fault in some way?  This is the question asked at CreateDebate.com where you can register and vote and leave your comments.  Or you can tell us your opinion in the comment section below.

rec·on·cile

In Maryland, reconciliation is sometimes raised as a defense to a divorce.

An actual reconciliation stops the one year period of separation required for desertion, voluntary and involuntary separation grounds.

It used to be that an offer of reconciliation, which was rejected, could also be a defense, and could turn the deserted party into the deserter.

Section 7-104 of the Family Law Article now provides that neither an offer, attempt nor a refusal of reconciliation, in and of itself, is a defense or a bar to a divorce.

The grounds for divorce of desertion and voluntary separation require proof that there is no reasonable expectation of a reconciliation.  So the court may still consider attempts to reconcile in that context as well as in the context of fault for alimony and property distribution.

Mattel says the perfect couple is breaking up, according to an article by Samantha  Critchell at RedOrbit.com.  Russell Arons, vice president of marketing at Mattel, speaking as Barbie and Ken’s “business manager”, said the couple “feel it’s time to spend some quality time – apart.”

“Like other celebrity couples, their Hollywood romance has come to an end,” said Arons.  But the couple “will remain friends.”

The separation, after 43 years together, may be due to Ken’s reluctance to getting married.   And Barbie, who is 50 now, still has all those bridal clothes.

If you don’t have fault grounds for divorce in Maryland, there are two no-fault grounds — one year voluntary separation and two years involuntary separation. One defense to a complaint based on one year voluntary separation is that the separation is not voluntary. This means it will take two years to get divorced instead of one. I call this the I Love You Defense. You say that you still love your spouse and want the marriage to continue. At the same time, you let the other side know that you will relunctantly agree to a divorce within one year if the price is right. In order for this to work you must show that you have made some attempts at reconciliation.